Why is it that telling someone that we love them is so hard? It was terrifically hard for me to tell Jeff that I loved him the first time. After my divorce I was so scared to open up my heart to anyone else, that I didn't want to say the words, even though I know I felt the feeling for a long time before I actually said it to him. Now NOT telling him that I love him is odd to me. If we ever talk on the phone and don't say "I love you" to one another before we hang up, I feel like something was missed. Telling my kids is easy...telling my mom and dad and sister is easy. But telling good friends that we love them...that they are important to us...that is sometimes very difficult.
I think that as we are raised, we are taught that you can have a favorite color, or a favorite food, or a favorite TV show...but you can't have a favorite person. "Don't play favorites." So when it comes to friends, I think it is sometimes difficult to tell a friend that they are your "best" friend...for several reasons:
1) Fear of Rejection - what if they don't feel the same way about you
2) Playing Favorites - you don't want other dear friends to think you care about them any less by saying you have a different "best friend"
3) Different "Best Friends" - the rest of the blog is what I mean by this last point.
My best friend from growing up is Michele N. I met her when I was in 2nd grade...and with the exception of losing track of her when I was married to my ex-monster...we have been friends the entire time. I will always hold a very special place in my heart for her - although to be honest - we have both been TERRIBLE to one another throughout the course of our lives. There was the time that I was in 8th grade and she was in 7th grade and she led the entire 7th grade class into believing that I was a lesbian because I was writing her "anonymous" love notes to make a boy she liked jealous (very funny now...but not so funny then). Or...there was the time when she and another girl came to visit me my freshman year in college - and I abandoned them at a party so I could go off with a boy I was interested in - I gave them my key to my room...but I still left them alone in a strange place with strange people (I don't think that was very funny then or now...I hate that I did that to her...). Anyway - we don't talk (or even e-mail) nearly enough these days...but every time we do, or every time we get to see each other again - it is like we never had any time apart and I miss her like crazy.
My best friend from high school is Bobbie S. She and I somehow never lost touch, even through my "starter marriage"...and she has always been there for me. I don't think we ever did anything horrible to one another...but she is another friend that we can pick up where we left off no matter how long it has been that we've not talked or seen each other. We continue to send little snippets of e-mails to each other at least once a week or so, and make phone calls and talk for a while at least once a month. She can always ground me and make me remember who I am if I am lost. If anyone remembers the movie "Reality Bites", there is a scene in which the main characters all start dancing in the middle of a gas station when a song they like comes on. That freedom and abandon is how I relate my friendship to Bobbie - because I could see her and I doing something that stupid and fun together and laughing about it for years.
My best friend from after my divorce is Maria H. She lives in Jacksonville where I lived when I was going through one of the roughest times in my life. I was so lost and hurting and trying to figure out who I was since who I thought I was with my ex was gone. Maria swooped in like a breath of fresh air. She is so smart and funny and beautiful and fun! She never gives herself enough credit for the person she is - but she loves her friends unconditionally! I've never felt judged by her once...even though I did some pretty stupid stuff after my divorce. She helped me learn to enjoy myself again and to laugh again and to be young again. She was my "party" and "bar" friend - and was always up for going out to get a drink and dance. But she was also my "lets be real" friend - and could always call me out when I was being too full of myself. She has a heart of gold and everyone that meets her can see it and feel it and you can't help but fall in love with her.
With the exception of my husband, my "current" best friend is Kelly G. She is beautiful and smart and funny and is full of the Holy Spirit so much that it "leaks" out of her. With four kids her hand are completely full, and yet she makes time for her friends whenever she can. Because of our "parallel" lives, we see each other at least 3 to 4 times a week (church and our kids go to the same school). It is actually very weird when I DON'T talk to her several times a week. We complement each other in that our personalities are so similar. We are both "idea" people...and yet I tend to be the one to follow through and get the job done. We are both strong women...and yet she says that if there is a fight, she wants me on her side (my temper can get a little fiery). I have no skills when it comes to being "crafty"...and she is one of the most creative and inspired women I know. She loves her children like crazy and has the grace and sense of mind to be able to breathe when one (or all) of them are acting up. She gives me courage to try and do the same. Seeing her relationship with our Lord, Jesus Christ, makes me want to be a better Christian. No - she isn't perfect - far from it. But I really feel blessed that she is my friend and I can call her if I need a pick me up or a laugh. And I feel blessed to know that she feels the same about me.
For all of my dear friends that I didn't mention above - it doesn't mean I don't love you just as much as the ones above. I really feel that all of my friends - whether I talk to you on a daily basis or whether I talk to you only once in a while - are very dear to my heart. I wrote a poem a LONG time ago...about this feeling:
I watch the lights
Pass me by
Blinking and shining
Their brilliance in my face
I try to reach out
And grab some
But they slip
Right through my hands
But then I see
The most brilliant
Of them all
So I reach out
Not with my hands
But with my heart
And it comes
Straight to me without hesitation
The light stays with me
For a brief moment
But then departs
To go back to its path
But some of the brilliance
That made it up
Has stayed with me
All of my friends, new or old, current or past, have made me the woman I am today. But to the women I've mentioned above - thank you for being there. I love you.
There...I said it. Not so scary after all!
Kendall's Yellow Circle Cake with her name and bows on it...and some pretty daisies that Jeannine picked and brought for Kendall.
Yellow balloons and table cloth and gifts...her "yellow" birthday coming to life...
More yellow - plates, napkins, forks and spoons.
"Memo" (aka Jeannine) helping me get stuff set up.
The beautiful birthday girl after she arrived.
Little Brother Carson
Proud Daddy
CHEESE!!!
Jarrett B. climbing some playground equipment.
Jarrett's Mom, Karen, and big brother, Maddox.
Karen and her youngest, Mackenzie.
Auntie Heather (who was an angel and watched her daughter, Sage, and Kendall play while I tried to keep the party going...)
Auntie April and Uncle Chris.
Miss Monica and her grumpy boy, Charlie
Cutie Jarrett
Singing Happy Birthday and blowing out the candles. (Sage is to Kendall's right, Nicholas is the blond and Andrew the brunette to her left) She really was happy...but I think she was a little overwhelmed by all the people singing...
Uncle Jeff, Auntie Maria & Baby Anthony
Auntie Karen and "Baby" Wyatt
Carson, of course, managed to find some mud...boys will be boys I suppose... :)
Memo trying to hang onto Carson.
Heather running the sugar off with the kids.
Tickles!!!
Heather's little girl, Sage.
Kendall showing us how old she is now.
Opening her first present.
