I think that one of the unfortunate traits of being a human being...is always focusing on the negative things in day to day life. I know not everyone does this...but the majority of people, such as myself, do. I find myself, especially on days that are challenging, only paying attention to the "bad" or "frustrating" things that my children do, instead of the good and exciting and cute things that they do. Therefore - I'm going to take a minute and reflect on some of the moments of being a mom to two beautiful children that I want to remember forever:
Mornings in my house, I honestly think, are the best part of my day. Normally, Kendall will wake us up around 7ish (this is after Jeff hits the snooze on his alarm from 6:30 on forward - so we are basically awake - just delaying the inevitable). Most of the time she is happy when she wakes up. We can hear her talking to her animals in her crib - just jabbering away. So Jeff will get up, go out and get the paper, then go to Kendall's room. If it is a day that he knows we (me, Carson & Kendall) have no place to be right away, then he will just change her diaper and leave her in her pajamas. If it is a school day, then he will change her into her outfit for the day. Then I will hear them in the kitchen as he pours her a cup of juice and coffee for each of us. Squealing as she runs, she will appear in the doorway, hair flying and a huge grin on her face. "Nommy!" she will yell as she sees me still sitting in bed across the room. She will run to my side of the bed and say "Up. Up." I will lift her up and hug her and kiss her and we will talk about how she slept. Jeff will wander in, a hot steaming cup of coffee in each hand and the morning paper tucked under his arm. He will hand me my coffee, which I accept greedily, then walk back over to his side of the bed and sit down. Somewhere, either right before this or right after, Carson will wake up and the four of us will sit in bed watching TV ("The Wiggles" at 7am, followed by "Higglytown Heroes" at 7:30am), reading the morning paper, Jeff shaving his face with his electric razor. My whole world is right there in that room, sitting on the bed, at least for a little while until Jeff realizes he needs to get in the shower and get to work and the kids and I need to get dressed and moving.
As much as I complain about the fact that Kendall talks nonstop...and I mean nonstop...while we are driving somewhere, I wouldn't change it for the world. Besides pointing out every car and truck on the road (especially those that look like her Daddy's), she loves to sing with me ("Wheels on the Bus" and "Baa Baa Black Sheep" and "Five Little Speckled Frogs" are a few of her favorite right now) and make sure I know that she sees everything outside her window. It is amazing how far she has come from just a year ago...you could say that we almost carry on conversations. No, the conversations aren't complex by any means ("Car!" "Yes, Kendall, it is a car. What color is it?" "White!" "Yes, Kendall! The car is white! Good job!"), but they are conversations nonetheless and she relishes the fact that I can understand most of what she is saying now. Plus her "sentences" are getting more and more complex. "We go Nommy's new car!" "More juice peas!" "Daddy's ruck white!" It is amazing that not so long ago, she is where Carson is today. He is verbalizing like crazy! There are days that he coos and gurgles all day long. The only thing that stops him is if he is asleep or has a bottle in his mouth.
Carson is such a happy baby. I've been told that I "smile with my eyes". Until I had Carson, I don't know if I ever really knew what that meant. If you were to cover up his face from his nose down, and he smiled - you would know it! His whole face lights up. He giggles and coos and smiles so easily. He is also trying to figure out how to work his little pudgy fingers. I love when I am holding him facing me and he is standing up on my lap. He will reach out and touch me all over my face, grabbing my lip or my nose - whatever he can figure out how to wrap his little sausages around. I've never met a blind person (at least not well enough for them to want to "look" at me by touching my face), but that is what Carson reminds me of when he is doing that. It is like he isn't only memorizing my face by looking at me...but by feeling me too.
On the way home from dinner tonight, we turned off the radio and sang songs all the way home. One of Kendall's other favorite songs is about visiting the farm. It goes "I went to visit the farm today. I saw a _______ across the way. What do you think I heard it say?" So...if the animal was "cow", you would sing "Moo moo moo." We were having Kendall pick out the animals for me to sing, then she would sing the animals sound. You could just hear her little gears in her head turning as she came up with more animals for me to sing about. In fact...she threw out "cars" and "trees" as well...I'm still not quite sure what the "tree" said...
Anyway - there are so many times during the day I can get frustrated so easily...and unfortunately - it is those frustrating times that I tell Jeff about when he comes home at night. I need to try harder to forget the frustrating times and remember the good times. Like tonight - Kendall went to bed so easily. We did her normal bedtime routine and put her down...and even though I gave her a quick tickle as I was lying her down...she still went right to sleep. Or this afternoon at the Gator Homecoming parade - Carson was just so darn cute in his little outfit and matching hat (I really should have taken a picture...I'm getting bad about taking pictures again...). Or the other day when I was holding both Carson and Kendall on my lap, and she was hugging him and kissing him and he just smiled and cooed at her and tried to touch her face as he stared at her. There are so many moments that I smile at my kids...and I really do smile so much more than compared to the "rough" times...
Being a mom is hard. Really hard. It is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year...even if you aren't around them...you think about your kids. I have had to learn to sacrifice my own quiet time...my own "work" time... I don't normally watch what I want to on TV. I've eaten more than my share of grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheese and hot dogs... I don't have much of an outlet to "challenge" my mind on a regular basis. Being a mom is really mindless work in a lot of ways...which makes it that much harder. Unfortunately, when I am tired and frustrated, I think of all the "things" I've given up to be a mom. I need to "rewire" my brain to start thinking about what I've gained becoming a mom - more love in my heart than I could have ever imagined.
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