Potty training 101

I apologize in advance...because this is going to be a venting more than a posting...

As anyone that knows me and knows my family, or even anyone that has been reading this blog for a while can tell you...I am not a successful potty trainer. Some would say that it is my kids...that my kids are the ones that aren't successful potty learners and not the other way around. Regardless of the fact - my children refuse to be those kids that learn how to potty train at 18 months or even 2 years old...or even 3 years old for that matter.

Kendall didn't get fully potty trained until she was 4 1/2!!! She knew how to control her potty movements...but chose not to for whatever reason. We tried EVERYTHING! Charts, positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, NO reaction at all, TONS of reaction each time, bribery, withdrawal, even play therapy with a licensed therapist!!! It was only when she decided that she wanted to do it that she did it. We even had a relapse over Christmas break...and after an enema and daily doses of Mineral Oil in Grape juice - she once again decided to take control of her problems again. To say that her lack of potty training success was a stressor in our house is an understatement. I think that had she had a physical developmental delay, I wouldn't have been as stressed over the whole affair...but it was an actual unwillingness to do what needed to be done in the place it needed to be done in...it was a behavioral problem. She know how...she knew the "signs" that she needed to go...and she just simply refused. Thankfully - I think the worst of it is past us...but I still say silent prayers anytime I bring her someplace new or have someone that doesn't know her very well watch her... I am so afraid that she might start messing her underwear again that I am still on guard sometimes.

Anyway - that is Kendall. Then...there is Carson. We haven't even really begun trying to potty train him. He has sat on the potty and even done both kinds of business - obviously proud of himself and promising that he'll do it again. But - he hasn't learned how to control it yet, so there is no stress involved yet for me. That is...until I encounter a situation where because he is 3 1/2 (and/or because he is the size of a 5 year old), he is expected to be potty trained. I did briefly start potty training him during Christmas break...and then Kendall's relapse happened...so I decided one issue at a time... I am so over charts after making one after another after another unsuccessfully with his sister... I honestly am not even sure how to tackle potty training Carson. Do I make one more chart...bribe him with Hershey's Kisses...give him an M&M every time I do a "quick check" to see if he is clean and dry? All of the above?? I really am at a loss...because although I know his sister is the one that determined when she would finally use the potty...I still feel like a failure. There is a part of me that says that when he is ready, he will make himself abundantly clear and it will happen...but he is also at that age that a lot of pre-schools (or even our Sunday school at church) require that he be potty trained to be in the class. I admit - I'm tired of carrying around a change of pull-ups and wipes with us everywhere we go. I'm tired of the expense of diapers and wipes...wow...at least $16 a week... He is WAY too big for the changing tables at the restaurants...so changing him when we are out and about is a huge problem... But - I also think (am afraid) that if I try to push him before he is completely ready...we'll have another problem like we had with Kendall...

I know that he will be potty trained before he is in college...but there is honesty a HUGE part of me that hopes that I'll wake up one day and it will magically be done. Isn't there a Potty-Training Fairy???