And it has a name...

Most of you that know me and my family know that we have struggled with Kendall and her bowel movements...for years...literally. We started potty training her when she was just over 2 years old... Started...failed...stopped. Started...failed...stopped. Finally - when she was about 3-3 1/2 she finally "got it" in regards to her urination. She also knew how to control her BMs, but refused. How did I know that she knew how to control them? Well - she would hold them in all day long at school...and as soon as she saw me to bring her home, she would release (she knew that if she had a BM at school, they would call me and I would have to take her home). When she was working towards a goal - she controlled it like a champ. But the minute she got her goal...she stopped. Just before she turned 4, we started her in play therapy...hoping that whatever the issue was would be taken care of through that. After doing one hour of play therapy one day a week for over 6 months...no progress...at all... So we stopped play therapy and prayed. Finally - the first part of May 2010 (just before we left for a family cruise)...she "got it". Whatever behavioral, control issues she was going through ended...and what followed was about 6 months of almost bliss! No more accidents...just like that. No issues at all. What had previously been constant stress and frustration was suddenly resolved - for her and Jeff and I. I have no doubt whatsoever that prior to this point - her BM issues were a behavioral thing and any punishment was justified.

Fast forward to the end of November, 2010...just after her 5th birthday...she comes home from school three days in a row with really bad "wiping" problems. (Keep in mind that she hadn't had ANY issues for over six months...) We tell her that she needs to work on it and we will help her as best as we can. Then the next two days in a row she has "accidents". After dealing with this yet again...stress, frustration, crying (on my end more than hers I think)...just before Christmas we bring her to the doctor because Kendall swears that she can't help it, that she has a "bug" in her belly. Ms. Pat (a Nurse Practitioner (?)) does a rectal exam on her, and says that "I can't cure stubbornness". She then tells us that her sphincter isn't very strong, so we probably need to re-train her bowels. So - we were told to go home and give her an enema (the worst experience Jeff and I have ever had...not to mention Kendall) - and then give her mineral oil every morning mixed with grape juice. We told Kendall (supporting her with the "bug" theory) that the mineral oil/grape juice is medicine to get the bug out. Again...bliss for three or four weeks. Then...mid January - we learn about Carson being developmentally delayed...and I have a really hard time dealing with it...thus stress in the house...and more accidents from Kendall.

Fast forward to now...we have been dealing with "accidents" now on and off since then. We've gotten angry...cried...made threats...promises...nothing has worked. Then - after one particularly bad week - I started researching on the internet hoping to find someone that is going through the same thing that I was. Little did I know, Jeff was doing the same thing. We both came across the term "encopresis" (for more information on this condition, go here), but neither of us really thought it was the issue. BUT...what I read sat in my head and every time she had an accident, I thought of the stuff I read and the descriptions from parents in forums. Last week - after another really bad week...we went to the doctor (to have the doctor look at an injury of Carson's that was infected) and asked about Kendall. I brought up encopresis, and based upon my description, Ms. Tayna (a Nurse Practitioner) agreed that it is most likely what it is. She said it is VERY common...and in the cases she has seen, that she recommends just giving the children MiraLax every night, and try to make set potty times (like after breakfast in the morning) to encourage a movement.

Although I know we have a long way to go, I am confident that this is a physical issue that she can't control...at all... She is just as surprised as I am most of the time that there is any soiling in her underwear...she simply doesn't know it has happened... If you open the link above and read about the condition - she is pretty much a textbook case. Knowing this does a few things for me: 1) makes me feel guilty about the number of times I've screamed and punished her over accidents that she really couldn't help and 2) gives me hope...because now I know that with our doctor's help - and most importantly - God's healing - we will get through this.

I don't have any idea how many of you out there that read this blog are going through the same thing we are...if any of you are at all. If you are though, you are not alone. I have felt alone and frustrated and scared for a long time. And now I feel we have an answer and will hopefully see a resolution in this very soon.

Things I don't want to ever forget

Yesterday afternoon as I was snuggling with my little boy, I said a quick prayer to God to not let me forget moments like that. What most of you don't know...is that I have a HORRIBLE memory. Truly. I am pretty much positive that when I am old and grey I WILL get Alzheimer's. I feel sometimes like I have it now. Half of the people from high school that I'm now "friends" with on facebook...I couldn't tell you anything about them. Some of the names sound vaguely familiar...but that is about it. What is really annoying (and embarrassing) is when people remember things and say something to me about them. Like the other day Mom and I were talking about my sister nursing her new little girl, Ginny. Mom said something about how dry and sore and cracked the nipples can get and asked if I remembered that from when I was nursing Kendall. Um...no...not really. Then Mom said "You don't remember how you used to bleed a little a couple times?" OHHH...yeah...I do vaguely remember calling Kendall our little vampire because I did start bleeding a little bit (but the doctor said it wouldn't hurt her). But it is so fuzzy in my memory...that I almost feel like it didn't actually happen to me...that it happened to someone else and I just heard the story. When people sit around chit chatting and telling stories...if someone looks at me and says "Amy, tell them about the time that..." I always hesitate a little bit...because I know that either I will miss big parts of the story or I'll tell it wrong or over embellish because I don't remember... I've never forgotten the big things - like who my family is and where I live (so no...I'm not going through early onset Alzheimer's)...it is the details that I forget...and then eventually - I forget pretty much everything. High school is already fuzzy...I only have bits and pieces from before that...most of my first marriage I've forgotten (probably out of self-preservation)... But - I really do pray that I don't forget most of the good stuff from the kids...like:

Kendall - she is absolutely stunning when she wakes up in the morning. Something about the mussiness of her hair surrounding her little round face with pink cheeks...takes my breath away almost every morning. She LOVES to hug and give kisses. Constantly. She will sing to herself, making up the song as she goes along. She NEVER stops talking...I've even heard her talking in her sleep. She is ultra sensitive...if a friend at school doesn't want to play with her for whatever reason, she is wrecked for the rest of the day.

Carson - LOVES to cuddle with me when he first wakes up from his nap. Sometimes he only needs 5 minutes...sometimes he needs 30. When he isn't being a typical 3 year old...he loves to hold my hand when we are walking somewhere. He is such a sweet kid that I do forget that when he is being difficult (which is like 50% of the time...). Where Kendall does a closed lip smile when you ask her to smile for a picture, Carson is great at giving a great big cheesy grin....most of the time. He always has a toy in his hands...normally a car or a train or an airplane (thanks Grandpa)...sometimes his pirate sword.

Here is a picture of them from Easter. Grandma & Grandpa bought them their outfits...and Kendall was so proud of her little purse. Where did she learn to pose like that??? haha And there is Carson's mischievous little smile...you know he is always up to something...

One quick story that I do need to tell...otherwise I'm sure I'll forget it. Last Saturday morning we all went up to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the night (they had a shrimp and crawfish boil on Saturday afternoon). Well - Saturday morning Jeff and I are running around the house - getting our stuff packed up and picking the house up so that our house/pet sitter could actually function and not feel like she was walking into a mess. Anyway - the bags were all in the hall leading to the garage, Jeff was in his office doing something, and I was in the kitchen finishing writing a note to our sitter. I hear Carson call me to the laundry room (which is between the hall and the garage door) to help him. I walk over and he has his arms extended over the sink and is up on his tip toes trying to reach the faucet like he wants to wash his hands. So I say "You want to wash your hands buddy? Why don't you..." then I notice that his hands are a light blue. "Carson, what is on your hands?" I ask, then turn my head just a little to see the bottle of Downy open on the washing machine...the lid/cup sitting next to in in a ring of the liquid...and blue streaks all down the front of the machine...into a good size puddle of blue on the rug and tile floor... Apparently - Carson wanted to help do laundry...opened the bottle of Downy and managed to pour a ton on his hands...the rug...the front of the machine... I WISH I would have had the good sense to grab the camera and take a picture...ah well... hopefully I've described it enough that you can imagine what happened!

A new chapter

Life has been crazy busy as usual...but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel where things are going to slow down significantly for myself. Officially on May 31, I will no longer be the VP of Finance for the Junior League of Gainesville, as the new year begins for the JLG and leadership switches and swaps. I will still be very active in the JLG, and will be a member of Nominating and Placement - but my actual time commitment will most likely drop by over 50%!!!

One thing I want to impress upon whomever is reading my blog - is that I really enjoyed being Treasurer and the VP of Finance. The time commitment was huge, the amount of emails I received on a daily basis is staggering...but the impact on me was life-changing! It has to be one of the most rewarding positions I've ever had! I was able to work closely with such a great group of women that are passionate about helping the community. And although my hands were not the ones actually out there doing the "grunt" work...my position was no less important. Someone has to take care of the finances...and in a not for profit organization, the goal is to spend as little as possible doing that. YES we have an accountant that files our taxes each year. And YES we have a bookkeeper that helps us with some of the day to day data entry that can be pretty overwhelming...and also answers the questions that someone like me with no finance or accounting background was constantly asking! But I have this knowledge now and this confidence that if someone or some other organization was to ask me to help them with their finances in a similar position - I actually have a clue as to what I'm doing! How fantastic!!!

Without my affiliation with the JLG and without someone's encouragement to take the Treasurer position back in October of 2009 - I never would have felt the way I do now. One of the goals of the JLG is to help train and educate women within the organization so that they can in turn go out and be civic leaders in the community. I can say without a hesitation that the JLG certainly did this for me!

If you are currently in the JLG or in a JL somewhere else in the country - I would encourage you to take the leap and step into a leadership position! I know the thought can be overwhelming and a little daunting...but trust me - IT IS WORTH IT!!!