I recently had the pleasure to attend my 20th high school reunion. First of all - there is NO way that I am old enough to have been out of high school 20 years - so I think it was all a big mistake and a Candid Camera kind of situation - but I played along...
At my reunion - a fellow classmate and I were talking and she said the most curious thing. I have been rolling it around in my head for the last few weeks trying to get a feel of it...and finally have decided it is blog worthy...so here we are. She said to me: "Amy, you sure have reinvented yourself haven't you?" I said something flippant in return along the lines of "I just don't care about what people think of me as much as I did before, so I guess so."
Truth is - the answer was a lie....mostly...
Have I reinvented myself from 20 years ago? Am I really so different that someone that knew me then thinks I'm so different now? Truth is, I wasn't very close to the woman that said this to me in high school, and have only recently "friended" her on Facebook. Did she know me well enough then to know that I'm so different now? Hmmm...
A lot has happened in 20 years. I went to college and had my first true heart-break the summer before my senior year. Scott and I had been dating for probably 6-8 months when out of nowhere he broke up with me. I took it hard. Really hard. In fact, when he tried to reconcile a few days/week later, instead of letting him see how devastated I was, I used anger to cover my vulnerability and pushed him away. Through all of my "romances" in high school, Scott was really my first love...and getting your heart truly broken for the first time ever, as we all know, is not fun. I learned a lot from that first "real" relationship.
A few years later, I was living in Florida, dating a man that was not nice to me (on the verge of breaking up with him altogether)...when my sister attempted suicide. To say that my world was turned upside down would be an understatement. My strong, confident, beautiful sister was hurting in ways I never even knew about...and because of her illness, decided that death was the only way away from her pain. Thankfully, God spared her that fateful day...but I would never be the same. After spending two weeks by her side in Hawaii where her attempt was made, I came home numb. I didn't know what to feel, what to think. I was scared to feel, scared to think. So...I let the man I had been dating start to do it for me...
About a year later, Rob and I got married...and what followed was about a 3 year long nightmare...full of emotional, verbal, mental and sexual abuse at the hands of this man who said he loved me. I shut out my family and my friends. Although no one "knew" what was going on...they all knew "something" was going on. But I was too stubborn and scared to admit it... A mixture of fear that no one would believe me because I didn't have any bruises and of shame that I allowed myself into that situation in the first place kept me locked in a situation much longer than I ever should have been. Finally - God intervened and released me. I won't go into the whole story here...that is a blog post in and of itself...
So...there I was...26 years old...living with mom and dad again...divorced. Wow. How humbling...NOT at all where I thought I would be at that time in my life... However - with time, and therapy, I emerged stronger and smarter than I was before. I learned what I would allow in a relationship and what I wouldn't. I learned that I could do it on my own. That I was stronger than I thought I was, that family was one thing I NEVER want to push away again, that friendships should NEVER be pushed to the side for any man.
I lived with mom and dad for almost a year, then bought my own house. I had a great job (albeit busy with long hours), some good friends, and my own house. I didn't need anything else...well...except a date here and there... About a year after I bought my house, I met the man that is now my husband, Jeff. He challenges me like no one ever has. He respects me like no one ever has. He supports and loves me like no one ever has. He is my best cheer leader! We now have two wonderful children, whom I talk of often on this blog, Kendall and Carson.
So - yes - a lot has happened over the last 20 years. But some of the same qualities and insecurities I had in high school remain with me today. How could they not? I told that woman that I don't care what people think of me. LIE! Unfortunately - I'm a people pleaser - and it tears me up inside to think/know that someone doesn't like me or is unhappy with me. BUT I am more confident in myself than I was then. Is that what she saw? That although I was horribly self-conscious in high school....I am more sure of myself today?
Who knows what lies ahead of me for the next 20 years...I wonder if she will think I "reinvented" myself again 20 years from now...
Sunday, October 07, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Hats
I was thinking about how many hats I tend to wear in one day...and at times it is overwhelming... In a typical day I wear all of the following hats:
1) Wife - to my husband
2) Mother - to my kids
3) Daughter - to my parents
4) Sister - to my sister
5) Friend - to my husband and other friends
6) Colleague/Co-worker - to the people I work with
7) Employee - to my company
8) Realtor - to my customers
9) Chef - for my family
10) Laundress - for my family
11) Bookkeeper - for my family
12) Housekeeper - for my family
13) Runner - for myself
14) Taxi driver - for the kids
15) Baker - for the kids mainly (although I do cheat and have some occasionally)
16) Parent - to the teacher's at the kids school
17) Leader - for my current placement in the Junior League
18) Teacher - to my kids
19) Master - to my dogs
20) Customer - to the many retail stores that I shop at/with
21) Doctor/Nurse - to my kids/husband when they are sick or not feeling well
22) Patient - when I am sick
23) Home Decorator - when trying to keep my home beautiful
24) Nutritionist - for myself mainly - but also for the whole family so that we all eat healthy
I'm sure I can come up with at least 20 more hats I wear on a typical day. Just today - I have worn 15 hats - all before 10am! On Monday I think I wore all of the hats but maybe 1 (Patient). No wonder I sometimes feel as if I'm going in 100 directions at once! Not to mention the fact that sometimes I feel like I have a split personality... One second I'm on the phone (wearing my Realtor hat) talking to a customer, and the next I'm correcting my children for arguing with each other (wearing my Mother hat). Of course there are times we all wear several hats at once...for example - as I'm wearing my Chef hat, trying to figure out what we will have for dinner, I'm also wearing my Wife hat ("Will my husband like this meal?"), my Mother hat ("Will the kids even take one bite of it?"), my Customer hat ("I need to run to Publix to buy x, y & z for the recipe"), and my Bookkeeper hat ("How much money have we spent on groceries this month").
What I wonder about (and sometimes actually struggle with) is this: is the person I am while wearing the Wife hat (or Parent, or Sister, or Runner or Teacher, or etc. etc. etc.) the same person I am while wearing any other hat in my "closet"? In other words - if someone only recognized me by my attitude and behavior and general demeanor - would they recognize me regardless of what hat I was wearing. Am I being the same person overall in all situations or am I a chameleon that changes depending on whom I'm around? I know to a degree we have to change a bit. For example - I wouldn't talk to a customer when I'm in my Realtor hat the same way I speak to my dogs when I'm in my Master hat ("NO! Bad customer! Bad!"). But am I holding myself and conducting myself with the same integrity and genuineness in all situations? Am I ALWAYS wearing the MOST important hat under all the hats that I could possibly wear:
Christ follower.
It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day...heck...the moment to moment - and forget that in ALL things we should be trying to show Jesus' light through us. Do I preach the Gospel as I'm trying to sell homes - NO. BUT am I conducting myself in a way that the person can see Jesus Christ shining through me? Am I being truthful and honest and genuine and fair and loving and forgiving? In my interactions with people, would they be surprised that I am a Christ follower? Am I conducting myself and behaving in such a way that it contradicts what Jesus has taught us? Or if someone found out that I am a Christ follower - would they say "I'm not surprised at all. Amy didn't 'preach' to us, but she treated us with love and respect and kindness in all situations."
With my Christ hat firmly attached to my head (hopefully), I now must slip on my Bookkeeper hat and go balance our checkbook.
Have a blessed day!
1) Wife - to my husband
2) Mother - to my kids
3) Daughter - to my parents
4) Sister - to my sister
5) Friend - to my husband and other friends
6) Colleague/Co-worker - to the people I work with
7) Employee - to my company
8) Realtor - to my customers
9) Chef - for my family
10) Laundress - for my family
11) Bookkeeper - for my family
12) Housekeeper - for my family
13) Runner - for myself
14) Taxi driver - for the kids
15) Baker - for the kids mainly (although I do cheat and have some occasionally)
16) Parent - to the teacher's at the kids school
17) Leader - for my current placement in the Junior League
18) Teacher - to my kids
19) Master - to my dogs
20) Customer - to the many retail stores that I shop at/with
21) Doctor/Nurse - to my kids/husband when they are sick or not feeling well
22) Patient - when I am sick
23) Home Decorator - when trying to keep my home beautiful
24) Nutritionist - for myself mainly - but also for the whole family so that we all eat healthy
I'm sure I can come up with at least 20 more hats I wear on a typical day. Just today - I have worn 15 hats - all before 10am! On Monday I think I wore all of the hats but maybe 1 (Patient). No wonder I sometimes feel as if I'm going in 100 directions at once! Not to mention the fact that sometimes I feel like I have a split personality... One second I'm on the phone (wearing my Realtor hat) talking to a customer, and the next I'm correcting my children for arguing with each other (wearing my Mother hat). Of course there are times we all wear several hats at once...for example - as I'm wearing my Chef hat, trying to figure out what we will have for dinner, I'm also wearing my Wife hat ("Will my husband like this meal?"), my Mother hat ("Will the kids even take one bite of it?"), my Customer hat ("I need to run to Publix to buy x, y & z for the recipe"), and my Bookkeeper hat ("How much money have we spent on groceries this month").
What I wonder about (and sometimes actually struggle with) is this: is the person I am while wearing the Wife hat (or Parent, or Sister, or Runner or Teacher, or etc. etc. etc.) the same person I am while wearing any other hat in my "closet"? In other words - if someone only recognized me by my attitude and behavior and general demeanor - would they recognize me regardless of what hat I was wearing. Am I being the same person overall in all situations or am I a chameleon that changes depending on whom I'm around? I know to a degree we have to change a bit. For example - I wouldn't talk to a customer when I'm in my Realtor hat the same way I speak to my dogs when I'm in my Master hat ("NO! Bad customer! Bad!"). But am I holding myself and conducting myself with the same integrity and genuineness in all situations? Am I ALWAYS wearing the MOST important hat under all the hats that I could possibly wear:
Christ follower.
It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day...heck...the moment to moment - and forget that in ALL things we should be trying to show Jesus' light through us. Do I preach the Gospel as I'm trying to sell homes - NO. BUT am I conducting myself in a way that the person can see Jesus Christ shining through me? Am I being truthful and honest and genuine and fair and loving and forgiving? In my interactions with people, would they be surprised that I am a Christ follower? Am I conducting myself and behaving in such a way that it contradicts what Jesus has taught us? Or if someone found out that I am a Christ follower - would they say "I'm not surprised at all. Amy didn't 'preach' to us, but she treated us with love and respect and kindness in all situations."
With my Christ hat firmly attached to my head (hopefully), I now must slip on my Bookkeeper hat and go balance our checkbook.
Have a blessed day!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
New Lifestyle
I hesitate to even write this post - because I am not doing it to get nods of approval or congratulations. I also don't want to offend anyone. I just feel that with all the news about obesity and its staggering statistics/projections in the news recently (here), something needs to be said.
First off - I don't think that I can ever have considered myself obese...very overweight - yes. But not obese. Many people that know me and follow me on facebook, know that I've recently been working hard at losing weight. I am at the gym 4-5 days a week, more if possible. Since my training/working-out/healthy lifestyle began in September (right when the kids started school), I have lost 26.5 pounds. Which comes out to approximately 3 pounds per month. Some months I lose the weight really fast...some months it takes what seems like forever. For example - it has taken me 3 months to lose the last 6.5 pounds...where I actually lost 6.5 pounds in a month and a half at one point. I haven't gone to any meetings or had special food delivered through a service or seen a nutritionist or a personal trainer. I did it...all on my own...except I did have a few things in my corner:
1) God. At least a year ago - I remember being in this point in my life where I was miserable with my body. I felt huge, unattractive, no energy...but I didn't have the motivation to change anything about myself. So I prayed almost daily - "God, please either make me content in this body I'm in or give me the motivation to make changes to myself." He was faithful to me. Now I'm being faithful to Him. I would NEVER be in the position I'm in right now if it wasn't for my Lord. When I am on the treadmill and feel like I can't take another step - I pray. When I feel tempted to eat my way through the day - I pray. When I lose a pound - I praise. When my clothes feel loose - I praise. God has been my personal trainer. God has been my motivator. God has been my work-out buddy. My prayer now is to not only continue on this journey of being healthy and continue losing weight (I have about 15 more pounds to go), but to also start appreciating what I see in the mirror.
2) Jeff. My husband calls me "Skinny" all the time. For example - "Excuse me, Skinny" as he passes by me. Even though my clothes are smaller and I do have more energy and feel better about myself - when I look in the mirror, about 75% of the time I still see the girl I was 25 pounds ago. I see the rolls. I see the puffiness. I don't see what I have transformed my body into. So - I've told Jeff that he needs to tell me when it is time to quit - even if my scale says I still have more weight to lose to reach my goal. I'm afraid I won't see it...and then will become unhealthy - by being too thin. I have this feeling that if I didn't have my husband to help me - I could lose another 25 pounds and still see the bigger me. Jeff has been my biggest supporter and cheerleader. If it wasn't for a sprained ankle, he would be trying to train right along with me. As it is, because I'm preparing healthier meals, and making sure we both eat breakfast, Jeff has lost 5 pounds himself.
3) Friends. I have an account on an app/website called MyFitnessPal.com (it is a FREE program and FREE app). There - I have a food diary as well as an exercise diary. I can track how many calories I've eaten and how many I've burned. This way - I can see if I have eaten too many calories earlier in the day and need to watch what I eat for dinner...or if I haven't eaten enough and will stall my weight-loss. Three of my very best friends are on this journey themselves...these are friends that I actually go on a "girls weekend" every summer. So far - the 4 of us have lost a total of 97 pounds!!! We encourage each other. We cheer each other on when we see records of good work-outs or weight lost. If they don't log on to their account for a few days - we check in with each other to make sure we are on target. I know that if I have a bad weekend, and don't log onto the site to enter my foods...after a few days I will get an email "Amy...where are you?" I rejoice when each of them lose ANY weight...because that is what they want to do. April, Mini & Monica have been my rocks and my cheerleaders. And I can't wait to get a picture of the 3 of us together this summer (Monica can't come this year)...and compare it to summer's past to really see the transformation!
Before I go much farther - I really feel like I need to say one thing. If you are overweight and are happy in your own skin. If you look in the mirror and are happy with what you see and feel sexy - then you ARE sexy. If you look in the mirror and feel pretty - then you ARE pretty. I know the doctors have told you to lose weight...and there are health concerns that have been backed up by scientific research that say that being overweight is hard on a body. HOWEVER - until you feel like the person you are looking at isn't the person that is inside of you - it won't work. I can't tell you how many diets I've been on. I even paid a LOT of money through my gym at one time to do a boot-camp. I made it 5 weeks (out of 10 I think). I got sick (upper respiratory infection) and couldn't go to a few workouts - and then quit. Didn't matter that I paid a lot of money to do it...I just quit. I spent a lot of money and bought a body-bugg to wear on my arm to track my calorie burn each day and act as a kind of pedometer. I wore it for all of maybe 3 months... It is still sitting on my desk where I left it the last time I took it off. I've been a member of Weight Watchers at least 2 times... Through those times I wasn't happy with myself - but I also didn't see how big I had gotten in the mirror. Finally - one day the person looking at me in the mirror WASN'T the person I felt like I was inside. And that is when I really got miserable...and started praying.
With all the talk about weight and healthy lifestyles in the media...and all the warped images that we as women and our children are subjected to about what makes a woman sexy - it is no wonder that most of us have body issues. We are shown by advertisers that in order to be sexy - you have to see not only your collar bones, but also your pelvic bones, through your skin. THAT is UNHEALTHY!!! Do you know what models eat? NOTHING! Celery and lettuce. Champagne and cigarettes. How in the world is that healthy??? Now - I'm not saying I'm the healthiest person in the world - but I don't deprive myself at all. If I want a cookie. I eat a cookie. If I want pizza. I eat pizza. BUT I don't eat 5 cookies...or an entire pizza. AND I don't do it every day.
I guess what I'm trying to say here - is that if you aren't happy and comfortable in your own skin - then it shows. Reach out for help. Find me on MyFitnessPal.com (MrsLadyBug1974) and I'll cheer you on and encourage you along the way. Talk to your doctor and find out what he/she thinks would work best for you. If you need to join a program (like Weight Watchers) to get the support you need - DO IT! I've got another very good friend that has lost 30 pounds with Weight Watchers!!! (Great job Laura!!!) But - most importantly - PRAY! God is an awesome God and He can do wonderful things if you just ask. Ask God to give you the wisdom and strength and motivation to make healthier choices...and He will! He won't make the pounds melt off overnight. God helps those that help themselves. This is something you have to WANT and that you have to work at...it IS work! PRAY!
Good luck.
First off - I don't think that I can ever have considered myself obese...very overweight - yes. But not obese. Many people that know me and follow me on facebook, know that I've recently been working hard at losing weight. I am at the gym 4-5 days a week, more if possible. Since my training/working-out/healthy lifestyle began in September (right when the kids started school), I have lost 26.5 pounds. Which comes out to approximately 3 pounds per month. Some months I lose the weight really fast...some months it takes what seems like forever. For example - it has taken me 3 months to lose the last 6.5 pounds...where I actually lost 6.5 pounds in a month and a half at one point. I haven't gone to any meetings or had special food delivered through a service or seen a nutritionist or a personal trainer. I did it...all on my own...except I did have a few things in my corner:
1) God. At least a year ago - I remember being in this point in my life where I was miserable with my body. I felt huge, unattractive, no energy...but I didn't have the motivation to change anything about myself. So I prayed almost daily - "God, please either make me content in this body I'm in or give me the motivation to make changes to myself." He was faithful to me. Now I'm being faithful to Him. I would NEVER be in the position I'm in right now if it wasn't for my Lord. When I am on the treadmill and feel like I can't take another step - I pray. When I feel tempted to eat my way through the day - I pray. When I lose a pound - I praise. When my clothes feel loose - I praise. God has been my personal trainer. God has been my motivator. God has been my work-out buddy. My prayer now is to not only continue on this journey of being healthy and continue losing weight (I have about 15 more pounds to go), but to also start appreciating what I see in the mirror.
2) Jeff. My husband calls me "Skinny" all the time. For example - "Excuse me, Skinny" as he passes by me. Even though my clothes are smaller and I do have more energy and feel better about myself - when I look in the mirror, about 75% of the time I still see the girl I was 25 pounds ago. I see the rolls. I see the puffiness. I don't see what I have transformed my body into. So - I've told Jeff that he needs to tell me when it is time to quit - even if my scale says I still have more weight to lose to reach my goal. I'm afraid I won't see it...and then will become unhealthy - by being too thin. I have this feeling that if I didn't have my husband to help me - I could lose another 25 pounds and still see the bigger me. Jeff has been my biggest supporter and cheerleader. If it wasn't for a sprained ankle, he would be trying to train right along with me. As it is, because I'm preparing healthier meals, and making sure we both eat breakfast, Jeff has lost 5 pounds himself.
3) Friends. I have an account on an app/website called MyFitnessPal.com (it is a FREE program and FREE app). There - I have a food diary as well as an exercise diary. I can track how many calories I've eaten and how many I've burned. This way - I can see if I have eaten too many calories earlier in the day and need to watch what I eat for dinner...or if I haven't eaten enough and will stall my weight-loss. Three of my very best friends are on this journey themselves...these are friends that I actually go on a "girls weekend" every summer. So far - the 4 of us have lost a total of 97 pounds!!! We encourage each other. We cheer each other on when we see records of good work-outs or weight lost. If they don't log on to their account for a few days - we check in with each other to make sure we are on target. I know that if I have a bad weekend, and don't log onto the site to enter my foods...after a few days I will get an email "Amy...where are you?" I rejoice when each of them lose ANY weight...because that is what they want to do. April, Mini & Monica have been my rocks and my cheerleaders. And I can't wait to get a picture of the 3 of us together this summer (Monica can't come this year)...and compare it to summer's past to really see the transformation!
Before I go much farther - I really feel like I need to say one thing. If you are overweight and are happy in your own skin. If you look in the mirror and are happy with what you see and feel sexy - then you ARE sexy. If you look in the mirror and feel pretty - then you ARE pretty. I know the doctors have told you to lose weight...and there are health concerns that have been backed up by scientific research that say that being overweight is hard on a body. HOWEVER - until you feel like the person you are looking at isn't the person that is inside of you - it won't work. I can't tell you how many diets I've been on. I even paid a LOT of money through my gym at one time to do a boot-camp. I made it 5 weeks (out of 10 I think). I got sick (upper respiratory infection) and couldn't go to a few workouts - and then quit. Didn't matter that I paid a lot of money to do it...I just quit. I spent a lot of money and bought a body-bugg to wear on my arm to track my calorie burn each day and act as a kind of pedometer. I wore it for all of maybe 3 months... It is still sitting on my desk where I left it the last time I took it off. I've been a member of Weight Watchers at least 2 times... Through those times I wasn't happy with myself - but I also didn't see how big I had gotten in the mirror. Finally - one day the person looking at me in the mirror WASN'T the person I felt like I was inside. And that is when I really got miserable...and started praying.
With all the talk about weight and healthy lifestyles in the media...and all the warped images that we as women and our children are subjected to about what makes a woman sexy - it is no wonder that most of us have body issues. We are shown by advertisers that in order to be sexy - you have to see not only your collar bones, but also your pelvic bones, through your skin. THAT is UNHEALTHY!!! Do you know what models eat? NOTHING! Celery and lettuce. Champagne and cigarettes. How in the world is that healthy??? Now - I'm not saying I'm the healthiest person in the world - but I don't deprive myself at all. If I want a cookie. I eat a cookie. If I want pizza. I eat pizza. BUT I don't eat 5 cookies...or an entire pizza. AND I don't do it every day.
I guess what I'm trying to say here - is that if you aren't happy and comfortable in your own skin - then it shows. Reach out for help. Find me on MyFitnessPal.com (MrsLadyBug1974) and I'll cheer you on and encourage you along the way. Talk to your doctor and find out what he/she thinks would work best for you. If you need to join a program (like Weight Watchers) to get the support you need - DO IT! I've got another very good friend that has lost 30 pounds with Weight Watchers!!! (Great job Laura!!!) But - most importantly - PRAY! God is an awesome God and He can do wonderful things if you just ask. Ask God to give you the wisdom and strength and motivation to make healthier choices...and He will! He won't make the pounds melt off overnight. God helps those that help themselves. This is something you have to WANT and that you have to work at...it IS work! PRAY!
Good luck.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Good kids?
I've got good kids. Really. I do. I know that I complain about them a lot...but in all honesty - they are really, honest-to-goodness, GOOD kids. They get in trouble at home for not listening (what child doesn't?), for fighting with each other, etc. But they really do try to be good and they really do behave most of the time. If there is any aggression shown by them - it is against each other (sibling rivalry and all) - and NEVER against anyone else. That is why we are in shock over Carson's recent behavior problems at school...
Wednesday last week - Carson was being picked up from his regular classroom to go to his Occupational Therapy session with Ms. Miller (which happens EVERY Wednesday). However - his class was watching a movie, and Carson didn't want to go...he wanted to stay and watch the movie. So - he proceeded to throw a fit. By the time they got into Ms. Miller's room - he not hit her 2 times, but he also threw a chair across the room. !!!!!!!!!! She made him stand in the middle of the room (where he couldn't get anything else to throw) until he finally calmed down and did some work. His regular teacher, Ms. Scott, told Ms. Miller "Are you sure you are talking about Carson?" when she heard the story...
Then...today...well... He and a little boy got into a little "tiff" about some blocks they both wanted to play with and neither wanted to share (NOT normal for Carson - he is normally very good about sharing - at least at school). When a teacher came over to find out what was going on - he swung at her...then swung at 2 other teachers AND threw a block at one of the teachers! Carson was actually brought to the Principal's office...my Pre-K kid was brought to the Principal's office!!! Uh oh!!!!!!!!!!
What has happened to my mild-mannered son? Sure he throws tantrums here and there...and he gets stubborn, a little surly (like in the picture below) and a little defiant at times (what 4 year old doesn't?). BUT for him to be that physical and aggressive is just NOT like him...
Jeff and I are not only in shock...but we are trying to figure out how to deal with this at home. Jeff was always told that if you get in trouble at school - you get in even more trouble at home. We just hope that we can nip this behavior in the bud before it becomes a regular pattern... We just want our smiling little fellow back....
Wednesday last week - Carson was being picked up from his regular classroom to go to his Occupational Therapy session with Ms. Miller (which happens EVERY Wednesday). However - his class was watching a movie, and Carson didn't want to go...he wanted to stay and watch the movie. So - he proceeded to throw a fit. By the time they got into Ms. Miller's room - he not hit her 2 times, but he also threw a chair across the room. !!!!!!!!!! She made him stand in the middle of the room (where he couldn't get anything else to throw) until he finally calmed down and did some work. His regular teacher, Ms. Scott, told Ms. Miller "Are you sure you are talking about Carson?" when she heard the story...
Then...today...well... He and a little boy got into a little "tiff" about some blocks they both wanted to play with and neither wanted to share (NOT normal for Carson - he is normally very good about sharing - at least at school). When a teacher came over to find out what was going on - he swung at her...then swung at 2 other teachers AND threw a block at one of the teachers! Carson was actually brought to the Principal's office...my Pre-K kid was brought to the Principal's office!!! Uh oh!!!!!!!!!!
What has happened to my mild-mannered son? Sure he throws tantrums here and there...and he gets stubborn, a little surly (like in the picture below) and a little defiant at times (what 4 year old doesn't?). BUT for him to be that physical and aggressive is just NOT like him...
Jeff and I are not only in shock...but we are trying to figure out how to deal with this at home. Jeff was always told that if you get in trouble at school - you get in even more trouble at home. We just hope that we can nip this behavior in the bud before it becomes a regular pattern... We just want our smiling little fellow back....
Monday, March 19, 2012
It's Football & Cheerleading Season!!!
Well - okay - not really....if you are talking about high school, college or professional football. BUT for our kids we are just getting started!!!
Carson started Upwards Flag Football with his Daddy as coach. Officially...he isn't old enough to do it, but since Jeff agreed to coach - he is in! Funny thing is - no one can tell that Carson isn't as old as all the other kids on the team...because he is as big as if not bigger than all of them!!! He loves getting out there and running around. At first we were scared he wouldn't like it because he appeared to be afraid of the football when it was thrown at him to catch - but he is doing so much better! Plus - since Carson is such a big kid - the earlier we can get him into the culture of sports (football, soccer, etc.) the better the chances that we can look forward to athletic scholarships at a later date!!! haha BUT - I think that by FAR the best thing of all of this is what Jeff told me last night. Jeff said that he feels like he and Carson are actually getting closer (as Father/Son) by doing this together. That Carson is more spontaneous in expressing his love for his Daddy than he has been in the past. LOVE that! Anyway - here are a few pictures from their first football game.
Carson as Center.
Huddle! (LOVE how he sticks his butt so far out!! haha)
Getting ready to start.
Action shot!!!
My football star!
Kendall is also starting a new adventure - Upwards Cheerleading!!! She is so stinking cute with her uniform and pom poms! It is silly - but it actually reminds me of when I did cheerleading my freshman year in high school. She really needs to work on her "cheerleader clap", her "jelly arms", and yelling loud enough that someone other than the person beside her can hear her - but that is only a matter of time. What amazes me...is how quickly she acts like she is out of energy. As much as she is running around the house and playing - the fact that she keeps on wanting to sit down and "rest" during her practices and the game (which is only an hour) - makes me think I need to start a training regimen with her! haha Either that or pump her full of protein just before practices and games to give her that extra boost of energy. Here are a few pictures of her from her first official game.
Is this a telescope or a megaphone???
In formation...
Go Upwards!!!
Aren't I cute???
My beautiful cheerleader!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Perspective
Half-full or Half-empty?
Partly sunny or Party cloudy?
TomAto or Tomahto?
1. a technique of depicting volumes and spatial relationships on a flat surface. Compare aerial perspective, linear perspective.
2. a picture employing this technique, especially one in which it is prominent: an architect's perspective of a house.
3. a visible scene, especially one extending to a distance; vista: a perspective on the main axis of an estate.
4. the state of existing in space before the eye: The elevations look all right, but the building's composition is a failure in perspective.
5. the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.
I have always pictured myself as the "glass is half full" kind of person...with an occasional trip down the other lane when times seemed especially challenging. I felt like I always tried to see the good in things and I always tried to keep positive in situations where I felt disturbed. I actually use a sense of humor that at some times in inappropriate to make tough times seem not so tough. As a defense mechanism, I use sarcasm and jokes to make tense times not so tense. And, at times, I know that it isn't appreciated by the person on the receiving end...
About 6 1/2 years ago, I just barely knew someone (who is now a very dear friend) who was pregnant with her second child. She was talking about her pregnancy and how they discovered that he was going to be missing his left hand from just below his elbow. This was obviously a VERY tough time for her and her husband and all their family. The first thought that came to my mind? "Guess you know he will be right handed." (By the way - I didn't say it to her at that time...we were friends before I confessed that inappropriate thought.) Oh - and her son is now a very normal, healthy, happy 6 year old...so much so that I often forget about his difference.
Over 15 years ago my sister was lying in a hospital bed in Honolulu, Hawaii in the ICU...my mom and dad and I were keeping her company and giving her support...and throughout those moments and when mom and dad and I would be talking about the whole situation outside of the hospital - I used humor to get me through. Sometimes appropriate...sometimes inappropriate. Oh - and my sister is now happily married with a beautiful daughter.
Although I don't think using humor is a bad thing...it has been my way of coping. Rather than actually allowing my emotions to complete their full rotation - I used humor to make myself "feel better"....or rather...to avoid the full brunt of the situation. Using humor (whether good or bad) helped give me a different perspective of whatever was going on. It is as if my mind searches to find the glimmer of hope or happiness or joy in what might otherwise be difficult. I mean - if you can't see something good - then how can you joke about it?
Unfortunately, though, sometimes seeing humor in a situation isn't all that is needed to really "get through" it.
Have you ever done a puzzle? You know - one of those HUGE puzzles - like over 1000 pieces - where the bottom left hand corner looks NOTHING like the top right hand corner...so it is hard to imagine how all the pieces will come together to make a beautiful picture? If you look at each individual puzzle piece and not anything else - you will never solve the puzzle. You have to look at the colors on the piece, the parts that stick out and the parts that don't...and then somehow - you find a piece it fits with. Most of the time - you have a picture on the box to help guide you...to give you perspective...so you have an idea where in the puzzle each piece will go. BUT - have you ever done a puzzle without looking at the picture? Some pieces would go together easy...but others...wow.
Our lives are like doing a puzzle without having the box to look at. We are one of the pieces...bumping around...trying to figure out where we fit...sometimes finding success...most of the time being frustrated that we just can't make it work. Sometimes I wish I was the Creator, so I could look down from His vantage point and get an idea of where in the world all of this is leading. I get so caught up in my day to day struggles...that I forget there are other puzzle pieces having a harder time than I am... The day to day struggles are easy to get bogged down in...and it is easy to feel sorry for myself. It is easy to only see the rock wall in front of me and ignore the foot holes that I can use to climb to the top of the wall and look around.
Another friend of mine, K, has a precious 10-year old son that has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Within the next 2 years he will be permanently confined to a wheelchair. And based upon statistics of others that have had the same condition, he will not live past his 20s. K and her family are now struggling trying to figure out how to afford not only a motorized wheelchair (after insurance they will still need to pay $20-30K out of pocket), a van that is equipped to handle the wheelchair ($60-70K), and modifications to their home so that their son can still function as a normal family member. Beyond the financial worries, they worry for their son's health, as well as the health of their other two beautiful children. They rely on their faith to give them strength...and God has never failed them in that regard. K and her husband are a couple of the strongest people I know.
And I found myself most of last year crying...about my son's speech delay...about my daughter's soiling accidents... My children are healthy...and do not have a condition that will take them from me in the next 10-15 years. I thought I was relying on my faith...but I wasn't. I really wasn't turning anything over to God. I was wallowing in my self-pity and forgetting one very important thing: my kids (with the exception of a few minor issues) are HEALTHY!
Now I'm not saying that I didn't have a reason to be sad...to be disappointed...to be frustrated and angry at times even. But to spend the last year only focused on my problems and focused on my frustrations.... God has put my friend K in my life to remind me that it could be different. To give me...
Perspective. I needed some. I prayed for some. God delivered.
Thursday, February 02, 2012
Happy New Year!
So I have been a completely absent blogger as of late. In fact - my last post was called "Fall Busyness" and here we are already in February! Wow! My life isn't any more busy than normal...but I think that normal sometimes catches up with me and bites me in the rear end. So...now I am sitting at the dealership getting brakes put on my van...and after doing what little work that I needed to do and playing a game or two on facebook, I have no excuse not to blog. I have time...lots of it...at least another hour to hour and a half until my car is ready! BUT...what to write about? That is the question... In the craziness of life - I tend to forget the little funny moments that I should have recorded on here. Moments where the kids said or did something funny or endearing. Moments where there is such a fun story around the event that I know it would make people laugh. But - as I now sit at my computer ready to tell some of these moments...not one comes to mind. Not one.
Recently I discovered the IPhone 4s. I don't have it...I just discovered it. There is a feature on the phone where you can speak to it and have it make a list for you. I would say "Siri, add the story of when Kendall did..." into the phone, and "she", the phone, would add it to a list. Or...I could say "Siri, remind me to pick up Nutella at the grocery after I pick up Kendall from school"...and "she" would remind me! Wow. I am amazed at where technology is these days! Anyway - I plan on getting an IPhone in July when my contract is fully due for an upgrade. Not that I don't love my droid - I do. But - I NEED a phone that can do what the IPhone does. I think best when I'm in my car driving (what else is there to do...) and that is when I always remember all those things I need to do or pick up or organize. To be able to talk into my phone and not have to try to find a scrap of paper and a pen and write it down as I'm driving (NOT safe...) will be fantastic!
Anyway - my point of the whole above is that maybe by having my phone "remember" stories for me - I can start adding more significantly to my blog... and actually telling stories...not just giving a re-cap of my self-imposed busy life.
I recently discovered (along with most of America) a blog (http://momastery.com/blog)
where she tells stories. About her family, about her past, about her kids, about her worries and hopes and fears. She is so completely transparent it is refreshing! And it is a joy to read. She has a way with her words that draws the reader in and makes you feel like you can really identify with her. I had always hoped that I could write those kind of posts. But most of my posts seem forced and very surface. Without knowing the author - you feel like you really "know" her. How many of you, just from reading my blog, really know who I am and what kind of person I am?
Anyway - all of my ramblings above...more of a stream of consciousness than anything...are really to say
Happy New Year!!!
Only a month late... Oh well...
Recently I discovered the IPhone 4s. I don't have it...I just discovered it. There is a feature on the phone where you can speak to it and have it make a list for you. I would say "Siri, add the story of when Kendall did..." into the phone, and "she", the phone, would add it to a list. Or...I could say "Siri, remind me to pick up Nutella at the grocery after I pick up Kendall from school"...and "she" would remind me! Wow. I am amazed at where technology is these days! Anyway - I plan on getting an IPhone in July when my contract is fully due for an upgrade. Not that I don't love my droid - I do. But - I NEED a phone that can do what the IPhone does. I think best when I'm in my car driving (what else is there to do...) and that is when I always remember all those things I need to do or pick up or organize. To be able to talk into my phone and not have to try to find a scrap of paper and a pen and write it down as I'm driving (NOT safe...) will be fantastic!
Anyway - my point of the whole above is that maybe by having my phone "remember" stories for me - I can start adding more significantly to my blog... and actually telling stories...not just giving a re-cap of my self-imposed busy life.
I recently discovered (along with most of America) a blog (http://momastery.com/blog)
where she tells stories. About her family, about her past, about her kids, about her worries and hopes and fears. She is so completely transparent it is refreshing! And it is a joy to read. She has a way with her words that draws the reader in and makes you feel like you can really identify with her. I had always hoped that I could write those kind of posts. But most of my posts seem forced and very surface. Without knowing the author - you feel like you really "know" her. How many of you, just from reading my blog, really know who I am and what kind of person I am?
Anyway - all of my ramblings above...more of a stream of consciousness than anything...are really to say
Happy New Year!!!
Only a month late... Oh well...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)