Popular??

Last night we were trying to convince Kendall that she had to go to bed. We explained to her that since she had been sick for the last almost week, that it is only with lots of rest that she can fully recover, and then go to school to play with her friends. So I started naming off the friends she has mentioned in the past that she likes to play with. Kyle. Elizabeth. Ty. Jonathan. Ian. Taryn. Katie.

This morning, Kendall comes to me and says, "Mommy, Katie won't play with me" in a whisper. I said "Have you asked her to play with you?" She said sadly, "Yes, but she won't play with me."

Ugh. Knife straight into her Mommy's heart. Momma Bear wants to find this little girl and ask her why she won't play with my precious. I want to put a remote control on her and make her play with my little girl so that Kendall won't have that disappointed look on her face anymore. Because I remember that feeling...

Why is it that some people are "accepted" and others aren't? I can't say that I wasn't a popular person in high school. In fact - if you look at my yearbook at all the activities and the kinds of activities I was in - you could probably win an argument that I was somewhat popular in school. Student Council. Pep Club. Drama Club. Thespian Society. Math Club (uggh...I know...I have my sister to thank for that one...). Varsity Danceline. But I never felt "accepted". I had several good friends in each of the different "social classes" in school. One of my very best friends, Erik, was your typical "nerd"..."band geek"..."drama weirdo". But I loved him. I too...was a drama weirdo. One of my other very best friends, Bobbie, wasn't a nerd...wasn't a band geek...wasn't in the "popular" crowd...I think she was a cheerleader (I know she was our freshman year - but I just can't remember through our senior year...isn't that sad...one of my best friends and I can't remember) ...she was one of the many friendly faces in school that no one gave a second thought about - and it was their loss. Because she was (and still is) one of the most genuine and generous and fun and happy people you could ever know and I love her and am still blessed to have her in my life.

I was in the Varsity Danceline my sophomore through senior years in high school. This association kind of gave me an instant "in" into what most people call the "popular" crowd...much like a cheerleader would have been. Two of my best friends then were Christine and Tiffany.

Tiffany was one of those people that everyone loved. Everyone. Teachers loved her. Kids loved her. Administration loved her. Parents loved her. She wasn't beautiful - but she was cute. Christine was, and still is, beautiful. Tiffany was super smart and finished school near the top of our class. She was a fantastic dancer, and in fact, was one of the choreographers for our danceline. If my memory serves me correctly - she had taken ballet from the time of a young child - and her parents had actually been approached about making her a prima ballerina - she had that kind of talent. Tiffany was friendly to everyone...and seemed to me at least, to be very genuine in everything she did and said. Other people said she was fake. Other people said that she couldn't be that happy all the time. She wasn't. Being one of her close friends in school - I saw her when she was sad or angry or worried. She just didn't show everyone that side of her. But - she wasn't perfect. No one is.

But why was Tiffany so "lovable" and someone like myself was not? Or...was I more accepted and loved than I thought I was, but because of my low self-esteem at the time (and currently at times...), I didn't think I was? I HATED high school. I felt like I constantly had to put on airs and be someone I didn't want to be for people to like me. I thought that in order to be accepted...I had to be liked. Most of the friendships I had back then are only distant glimmers now. I am still good friends with Bobbie and we try to reconnect via phone or email at least every couple of weeks. We also are planning on a "girls only" trip to Los Angeles in 2011 or 2012 if our budgets can handle it. I still talk to Christine more often than not. In fact, thanks to Skype I was able to have a video chat with her right before Christmas. Tiffany is a "friend" on Facebook, although I never hear from her. And Erik, the one friend I thought I would never lose touch with, I never talk to anymore at all. I know where he lives. I know he is married with a little boy. That is it.

My friendships that I have established as an adult are so much more deep and fulfilling than the ones from high school. Two of my very best friends now are April and Kelly. The connection I feel with them is so much deeper than I ever had previously. But I also have a TON of other friends from other connections. Church & Mom's Bible study. Junior League.

So how do I explain to my little girl that although Katie may not want to play with her now...some day she might want to. And even if she doesn't ever want to play with her, it is Katie's loss. As important as those first friendships and connections are in establishing and building our views of ourselves - it really isn't until we are adults that we really fully realize what friendship is and how important it is. I know that being popular isn't important. What is important is making connections with people. Being fully genuine in all you do. Being true to yourself and God above all else. But when you have that "pressure" to "fit in"...which I know someday my Kendall and Carson will experience...it is almost impossible to balance it all out. As a parent...I only hope that I can save my kids any heartache when the board tips in the wrong direction.

In the meantime...anyone know of any human remote control devices I can borrow?

What a decade!

Not only a new year...but a new DECADE. Wow. Think of the possibilities! I actually shudder when I think of where I was ten years ago - January 2, 2000. So...a brief recap of my last ten years:

2000 - January - married to a sadistic, controlling man (NOT Jeff)
- June - leave the above said man & move in with Mom & Dad in Jacksonville, FL
- October - officially is divorced from above man


2001 - January - living with Mom and Dad still
- April/May - buy my own home
- June - pick up Chance at the local humane society


2002 - January - living on my own with Chance in my own house - happy
- June - start communicating via e-mail with a man 90 miles away from me in Gainesville
- July - meet said man in person in St. Augustine
- November - we tell each other that we love each other (BIG step for me...)


2003 - January - get engaged to Jeff at the same place we met in person just 6 months before
- April - move to Gainesville to live with Jeff and his dog, Buddy


2004 - April - get married - HAPPY
- November - experience a devastating loss (miscarriage)


2005 - January - sell our house and move into an apartment while our new house is being built
- March - go on an early anniversary cruise and come home with a wonderful souvenir
- October - move into our new house
- November -welcome the birth of our beautiful little girl, Kendall


2006 - November - announce at Kendall's birthday party that we are pregnant once again


2007 - January - fly to Phoenix, AZ to watch our beloved Gator football team win the BCS National Championship game
- June - experience the devastating loss of our beloved Buddy, 13 year old yellow lab
- July - welcome the birth of our very boisterous and happy little boy, Carson


2008 - April - bring home a new addition to the family, a yellow lab puppy, Rally


2009 - January - December - just try to make it day to day as a family of four with two big dogs





Wow...if you were adding everything up - that makes 5 moves for me in the last 10 years...3 pregnancies...2 children...3 dogs... What is most important for me though - is leaving behind a very miserable and trying time of my life to be with the love of my life and my best friend, Jeff. Should I even try to predict what the next 10 years will be for us? Hmmm... I actually almost tried to do it...but it is impossible. What is most shocking for me, I think, is that in 2020 - Kendall will be 14 years old and Carson will be 12...wow...that is impossible to imagine right now. It is hard to imagine how different our lives will be at that point. Right now I'm up to my eyeballs in diapers and sippy cups...10 years from now I'll be dealing with hormones and boyfriends/girlfriends. Right now I am chasing around 2 BIG dogs and cleaning up tons of itsy bitsy little toys that make you tear up when you step on them...10 years from now one of our beloved dogs will definitely be gone and I'll be trying to get the attention of my kids away from their computers or iPods or whatever new technology is around at that point. Right now I have only 4 mornings a week all to myself while the kids are in school....10 years from now I'll be alone 5 full days a week...lonely...



Who would have thought 10 years ago when I was in a very unhappy marriage with the WRONG guy...that I would now be in a very happy marriage with Mr. Right and two beautiful little kids. Amazing what can happen in 10 years.



Here's to the next 10!!!


Happy New Year!