Tuesday, August 26, 2008

You can't make this stuff up...

It is now after 8pm on a day that I would rather forget...the kids are in bed - Carson is asleep, but Kendall is still winding down. Jeff is at his weekly Gator Quarterback Club (a booster organization)...and I am hoping that actually writing down the events of the day will help me laugh about it later...

It seemed to start out okay. Every Tuesday morning I have a mom's bible study at my church. This morning also happened to be a voting day...so I made sure I left just a bit early so that I could vote before I went into my bible study. I dropped the kids off in the nursery, and although Carson did his separation anxiety crying for a few minutes, he had calmed down by the time I walked past the nursery after voting. The bible study was a great group today - we talked about relationships not only with our husbands and families, but also with friends and how important they are in our lives, and how God puts people in our lives for a reason. Anyway - I went to pick up Kendall...and here is where it slowly started to go downhill.

One thing I briefly mentioned in a prior post is that Kendall is not really telling us anymore if she needs to go potty...she just fully releases everything in her panties and shorts/skirt/pants and keeps on playing. Well...it has progressively gotten worse and worse over the last few days. If my count is correct...we went through 5 pairs of underwear yesterday...and today...well...I did forget to mention above that Kendall completely wet her first pair of underwear this morning before we even left for church. I had sat her down on the potty about 9:10 and she tinkled a bit, and then 30 minutes later as we are rushing trying to put on shoes and socks and get everything together to leave...she completely wets herself before I even get a chance to sit her on the potty (a practice I do before we leave the house to go anywhere...even if we are only planning on being gone for 5 minutes...we sit down on the potty before we go). Anyway - I digress... I pick her up from the nursery and she is completely wet yet again. Miss Barbara in the nursery (one of the nursery workers and a GREAT lady) told me that they took her to the potty once and asked her several times if she had to go (all within the hour and a half of our bible study)... Luckily - I have been packing 2 changes of clothes since we've been potty training. So we go sit on the potty and change her clothes and go to the mall with the rest of the ladies for lunch.

When I get to the mall, I had to return some shirts Jeff had bought at Jos A Banks because they didn't fit - and the store manager gave me a really hard time about returning them - even though I had the original receipt - because they weren't still all wrapped up in the original packaging (Jeff had taken them out of everything and then tried them on - and just made sure to attach the price tag to each shirt when we put them back in the bag). Anyway - she went so far as to bring each shirt up to her nose and smell them to make sure they didn't smell of cologne or dry cleaning. I'm sorry...I know that there are some unscrupulous people out there that would buy something, clean it, and try to return it as new...but that isn't something we do. Plus...Jeff is a VERY good customer of Jos A Banks (it is pretty much the only store he ever buys any suits, ties and shirts in) and most of the sales clerks know us by first name basis. Needless to say...that ruffled my feathers just a bit.

So we got lunch...pretty much a non-event...then we tried to use the potty again before we went down to the play area in the mall (what we mom's affectionately call the "germ pit")...and Kendall tinkled a little bit...but not much. Well...within 15 minutes of being in the play area...I notice that her shorts (the third pair if you are keeping count) look a bit more padded than a bottom without a diaper should look. So...off we go to the potty again...and sure enough...poopy. Bad enough that I had to throw away her panties and wrap up her shorts because it had seeped a little bit onto the crotch of her shorts (and no...it wasn't runny for those people that might be concerned...just well...um...squished into everything). So I put her in her 4th pair of panties and shorts for the day and we head home.

The kids take a nap and I talked to my friend, Kelly, about another issue that is miffing us a bit, but which I don't think is appropriate to bring up in my blog quite yet...but enough of a frustration that we ranted for a few minutes.

After the kids woke up from their nap...they played in Carson's room as I put laundry away and started another load and did just general pick-up stuff...then I notice that yes...Kendall is soaked yet again. So...off we go to the bathroom. This time, I made her wear a diaper "like a baby" and told her to go to bed and let me know when she is ready to be a "big girl" again. Within just a few minutes I hear "I ready to be big grirl!" So I go into her room, take her out of the diaper and put her in another clean pair of panties (anyone keeping count?? that would be panty pair number 5) and we talk about how important it is that she lets me know when she needs to go potty, or if nothing else, tell me right away that she needs to go and to not play in it. She, of course, is nodding earnestly and has the most sincere look on her face when she says "Yes, Mommy."

So the kids play in the playroom while I get dinner ready...dinner is pretty much a non-issue...amazingly...and then we still have time to play before bath and bedtime. So we all go into the playroom, but shortly thereafter the kids start running around the house a little bit. I sit and listen to them "talking" and then Kendall comes to me and says "Mommy, the kitchen is slippery"...which typically means that Rally peed on the floor and it is now wet and slippery. So I go tromping in there...and sure enough...there is a little bit of wet on the floor in front of the refrigerator...but nothing too much...not like what Rally typically does. But...I think it must be him and go about cleaning it up. So...here I am...on my hands and knees wiping a kitchen towel across the floor...Rally starts coming up to me and prancing around like he thinks I'm playing. I shove him off a few times...but then...next thing I know...he has his front paws on my side and he pees on me!!! I guess I've officially been marked as "HIS". I'll give you all a few minutes to stop laughing... Done? Okay... Luckily he only peed enough to get my arm before I screamed and jumped up then just about threw him out the back door. So I thoroughly washed my hands and arm...and as it was time anyway...I take the kids into the bathroom to get their baths. Kendall then says to me "I have to go potty". I get all excited thinking that she was telling me finally...when I notice as I'm helping her take off her panties...that they are soaked... Which means that the small puddle I was blaming Rally for...was most likely Kendall's...

So we finish up baths and I get the kids in their pj's and since I never got the dishes cleaned up, I turn on Dora for them while I clean up the kitchen. So as I'm standing there, water running, garbage disposal running...my gold, diamond hoop earring falls off and before I can stop the garbage disposal...yep...it goes in. I got these earrings as a gift from Jeff when we were still dating I think. The diamonds aren't (or should I say "weren't") large...but of the approximately 15 baguette diamonds in the one earring that fell..only 3 are left...and the gold is completely mangled. Jeff doesn't even know this yet...he should be on his way home soon...and I still get to tell him all about it...

When I sent out the e-mail back in April introducing Rally, one of my friends said that with two in diapers and a brand new puppy...I should have enough material for a very funny book...I guess that I can see now that she was right. Let's see, several chapters would be just on potty training and how I think changing diapers the rest of a child's life would be easier than the frustration of potty training..and the other chapters would be on how if you have a friend that is talking about buying a puppy when she has two children still in diapers - that you need to put her in a straight jacket and take her away to the funny farm...because even if she isn't completely crazy at that moment...give her a few months and she will be.

Uh oh...someone knocked at the door...it must be the men in white coats come to take me away. As long as they have quiet rooms and I don't have to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, or telling a 14 month old that eating dog food probably isn't the best idea...I'd gladly go with them!

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